all our relations
by Jill Kirby | 26 april, 1999

I have had many clients who have gone through years of therapy in an effort to uncover the source of their most deep-seated psychological problems and issues, only to find that these issues come into immediate, clear focus in a brief analysis of their horoscope. Of course, recognizing the issues and their sources does not eliminate the problems, but awareness is a crucial first step in addressing them.

The most difficult issues individuals have to deal with often arise out of the relationship with one or both of the parents. These issues show up in the horoscope in a number of different ways, and often constitute themes which are repeated in several areas of the person's chart (and may show up in other familial horoscopes over generations).

Astrology is a symbolic language which enables each of us to tap into the wisdom of the Universal order and to see the self as a unique part of that order, as well as an embodiment of it.

Your personal horoscope is a representation of the Planets' positions at the precise time and geographical location of your birth, placing you at the centre. Each Planet symbolizes a particular energy, psychological function, need or drive. How the Planets are aligned with one another indicates the interrelationship of these various psychological functions within you. The Planets' zodiacal sign and house placements within the chart indicate how and where these energies seek expression. While each of us possesses all of the drives and energies represented by the Planets, we all have our own unique ways and means of expressing them, which is depicted in the horoscope. Every parent knows that a child is born with a very definite personality!

Your horoscope will contain some Planets in harmonious relationship (aspect) to one another, indicating talents and abilities which will flow easily for you. Some Planets will be in difficult relationship which will show where you experience inner tensions, often manifesting as outer challenges and conflicts.

The Moon in your birth chart, for example, reveals a great deal about your attitude towards women in general, which relates back to your encounter with the the first woman in your life - Mom. Astrologically, the Moon is one of the primary indicators of your perception of and relationship with your Mother.

If your Moon is in difficult aspect to other Planets in the chart, it will indicate not only that the relationship was problematic, but also what sorts of problems were experienced, and how those have influenced your behaviour and choices in life. For example, Moon in challenging aspect to Pluto, would suggest the relationship with Mom was very intense and complex, and that your Mother was experienced as being a very powerful or secretive person, intense, possessive and manipulative. Other people, even your siblings, might not see her this way, but you did! If, instead, your Moon is in harmonious aspect to the other Planets, your experience of Mom was an easy, positive, nurturing, supportive one. The horoscope reveals your personal perceptions of people and circumstances in your life, which is why your chart might show an entirely different picture of Mom than your sisters' or brothers' charts. Your relationship with her was different from theirs because you each have your own unique personality and perspectives, as depicted by your horoscopes.

A difficult aspect between the Moon and Sun in your chart would suggest that, at some level, you perceived tension or friction between Mom (symbolized by the Moon) and Dad (symbolized by the Sun). Psychologically, with this aspect you will experience trouble reconciling your conscious will (Sun) and your emotional needs (Moon), the inner conflict reflecting your perception of the conflict in the parental relationship, and vice versa.

Of all the relationships you will ever have, none will have more profound effects on you than your relationship with your parents. No matter how old you get, you will always be someone's child. No matter what the circumstances of your childhood, there is a child lurking within you who likely didn't get all of his/her needs met, and is still trying to fulfill those unmet needs.

Once we become adults, we are usually able to recognize that our parents did the best they could (considering that they, too, had their own wounded child within). There are many 'adult children' groups these days which offer assistance to those seeking to address the various forms of dysfunction that arise in families - and few families are without some degree of dysfunction. As parents ourselves, it is imperative that we recognize and address our own 'family of origin' issues in order to minimize the potential problems for our children. At the same time, we must acknowledge that our own children will have some issues with us.

As parents, we surely want to encourage our children to be all that they can be and to manifest, as much as possible, the positive potentials that they embody. In order to do so, we must first recognize each child's uniqueness and accept that they differ from one another and from their parents in many important ways. Your child's horoscope is one of the best tools available to enable you to truly understand your child, just as your own horoscope can help you to understand yourself (and a comparison of the two charts can help you to understand the dynamics of your relationship).

As a small child your parents represented your very survival, therefore, their relationship had an enormous impact on your sense of security in life. You might like to think that this was only true so long as you were a dependent child. The truth is that you carry the effects of this relationship all your life, and unless you are consciously aware of how it influences your behaviours and choices, it can have a detrimental impact on all of your relationships.

The first encounter is with family. That is where you learn how to relate to others and it forms the basis for all other relationships in your life.

It is all relative, after all.